the other me

check this out, I taught a class on dog care at the mulgrew school! what's the mulgrew school? I don't know but it's in oregon. I'm down towards the bottom, on the right. You might be wondering why I'm losing my hair, wear glasses and have a thin moustache. the answer is, I don't know.

also, if you go here, you can see me again, playing some sort of online game or something. it's just a list of the results. is this the eric filipkowski who teaches dog care? I don't know! is he/am I some sort of nerd? it doesn't look good.

I can look at this one of two ways: a.) my name is somehow psychicly attached to geekdom and I should embrace its logical inevability in my own life or 2.) my 'name' is merely a subset of all the people out there and as such, I rule the subset with my superior non-geekdom. losing my hair? negative. glasses? negative. thin moustache? negative. play online strategy games? that's a big negative.

Weird huh? I always thought I (my name at least) was fairly original. Well I better register with SAG before these guys do. I don't want to have to be Eric M. Filipkowski or Trevor McGrath or Chad Robuckle.

I went to the ocean!!!

Yes, it's true. Yesterday I took some dramamine, took my compazine and tussin caplets like any other normal person would do before going to the beach and I jumped in the jeep with my family and we went to our friends' house. This house is right on the beach. Probably fifty feet from the waves. It just got assessed for 1.3 million dollars. Sounds nice huh? Well maybe not as nice as you think. It doesn't have running fresh water. That's right, all the sinks and tub and shower run salt water. I guess a million three doesn't buy what it used to.
Now, because it's so close to the water, the air is saturated with salt water. The humidity level is ridiculous. This gets inside and rusts anything metal. Bad for houses. Good for Eric.
Specifically my voice. I noticed this last week when I went on the boat. I came home and suddenly it sounded like I was going through puberty. My voice was cracking like Peter Brady. All the moisture does something to my vocal chords. So this morning, I get up, same thing: my voice is probably 20% better. A definite and noticable change. I don't know if it's good enough for me to be yapping on the phone all day, mostly because I hate talking on the phone and am gonna push this excuse as long as I can. So suck it. But hopefully I will be able to return to Los Angeles soon ans resume kicking ass. And by kicking ass, I mean "crying myself to sleep each night, alone and disillusioned".

who the hell is "mame" anyway?

when I was in junior high, I took an 'acting class' with the music teacher, Mr. Graham, who was the only black teacher in my whole school. I had had him in fifth grade when I played the lead in the play but a lot had happened since then. rightly so, I chose not to live amongst the 'drama weenies'. instead I tried to fit in with the cool kids and failed horribly at that. anyway, this class was basically split in half: one half was the drama weenies, the other half was the kids who wanted a blow off class. Mr. Graham was more than willing to oblige on both ends. At the beginning of each class, he would take the drama weenies and go to the auditorium to rehearse. At the end of the semester, we were going to put on a play for the whole school. The play was an "original creation" of his, I forget the name of it, but basically all the weenies got real parts and all us other kids were the chorus and only had to sing one song, "mame". Well every class Mr. Graham would go off with the weenies and we would stay to "practice" our song. Our ONE SONG we had to sing. Well we spent that semester goofing off, sleeping, walking around the halls, having a grand olde tyme. But not rehearsing the song. Well the play was coming up and the weenies were ever so excited. I remember this fat chick named Josie had to sing that song "Conga" by the miami sound machine. Oh man, it was so gay. One of his other "original creations" was a spoof of snow white called "snowy white and the seven suds". Anyway, Mr. Graham decides to check out our progress on the song. Keep in mind, this is like the day before, and so he lines us all up and we start to sing. We get the first line out ok "You coax the blues right out of the horn" then just trail off into mumbles like people do on tv. I think the second line was about 'corn'. Well Mr. Graham loses it, cuz basically we had to do one thing all semester and we fucked that up. He starts screaming, goes totally ballistic. It was one of those situations where you're like "If I laugh, he's going to kill me" but it was so hard not to laugh. Well once he's done, he goes and cancels the play and makes us apologize to the drama weenies and then the school as a whole. I mean, there was a few days left, we could have learned the words, but I guess he wanted to teach us a lesson. I think I got a B+ in that class.

ok ok, I know I'm being lazy

I know I've just been posting other stories lately, I promise I'll put up something new tomorrow. But I just wanna say this real quick, remember T-Bob? That robot from M.A.S.K. that turned into a motor scooter? He belonged to the leader of MASK's son or something?

Well that thing was a son of a bitch and so are you!

the worst thing ever

My friend bordo pointed this out to me about a week ago.

UNIONTOWN, Pa. (AP) -- Standing so he could be seen from the witness stand, a youth baseball player calmly told a courtroom how he beaned a mentally disabled teammate with a ball during warm-ups to knock the boy out of the game.

Eight-year-old Keith Reese said that he hit teammate Harry Bowers because his coach offered him $25 to do so.

That's right, a T-BALL COACH offered one of his 8 YEAR OLD PLAYERS twenty five bucks to bean a retarded kid in the head so he wouldn't be able to play in the playoffs. Keith Reese, who was one of the better players apparently wasn't that good cuz it took him three tries to get it right. First he hit the kid in the nuts, then in the head, then in the head again, just for good measure.

If not for the fact that there are like twenty "best parts" to this story, I would say this is the best part: The coach wouldn't pay up after the kid did it! He stiffed him out of his twenty five bucks, which I have a feeling is the only reason this story came to light in the first place. Back when I was 8, twenty five bucks was like getting a pile of gold. Maybe times have changed.

Best part number 17?

Downs (the coach) is not suspended and remains a coach in the league.

And why not, right? He never actually paid the kid for anything. 8 year olds should be responsible for their own actions. My only regret is that this didn't happen in Texas where both the kid who threw the ball AND the retarded fella would be up for the death penalty.

World War III

Uh oh, tensions are rising in one of the world's troubled areas. North Korea? Iraq? Syria? Africa?

No.

Canada.

OTTAWA, Ontario (Reuters) -- A spat between Canada and Denmark over a tiny Arctic island has moved to the Internet, where a Canadian man is dueling an unknown opponent over who really owns the disputed lump of rock.

First of all this is Canada versus Denmark. Second of all, it's on the internet, the home of the weak and puny. And D.) there's a guy named "Reynald Doiron". That's just wrong. Here he speaks about efforts to ease tensions:

"Notwithstanding the disputed area, the Canadian Foreign Affairs Ministry is allowing its cafeteria to sell Danish pastries as a goodwill gesture towards the Danish government and people," ministry spokesman Reynald Doiron said.

Here's to hoping both sides can reach a peaceful resolution.

Weekend at Bernie's 3

So I guess these people were at a funeral in Rio De Janeiro when some stray bullets shot the corpse they were burying.

The bullet, fired in a shootout between a drug gang and police in a slum adjacent to the cemetery Tuesday, pierced the casket inside the cemetery's chapel and got lodged in the corpse's pelvis.

In case you were wondering:

The bullet was not removed before burial.

That would probably just be a waste of time and resources, all things considered.

And the pelvis? Sounds messy.

going out on a limb

I know I'm gonna catch hell for this, but that movie "ghost" sucks.

too funny

this guy stole my idea! if only I wasn't indisposed.
warning, if you are reading or plan to read harry potter, DO NOT click on this link!!!
harry potter spoilers!!!

Good luck space shuttle

They're about to re-launch the space shuttle for the first time in a few years. I hope it doesn't blow up. When the last one blew up, my roommate burst into my room crying, "they did it again! they did it again!" Apparently it was her opinion that the terrorists were responsible for the explosion. Well, call it a sign of the times.
This time they seem a little desperate. They have to launch this thing for some reason. I guess it's public relations. But they're breaking their own rules to get it up in the air. They've said they'll go ahead with the launch even if the fuel sensor malfunctions again.
I remember when the Challenger blew up. The amazing thing was, the very next day, this kid in my class had the whole set of space shuttle jokes already. Need Another Seven Astronauts. "They found her head & shoulders all over the beach". And who could forget "What's this button do?" How did he do that? There was no internet back then but somehow this kid had tapped the joke pipeline in under 24 hours.
Actually, the first thing this douchebag said to me was "Way to go, Eric, you blew up the space shuttle." To which I replied, "yeah, you're right, I blew it up". Then everyone went nuts because I had 'admitted' it. Because 10 year olds aren't good with sarcasm. Unless they're a future comedic genius. Idiots.
I've actually been to space. Sorta. I went on Mission: Space at Epcot. Like six times too. it's an amazing ride. I can probably never go on it again, it's a little too intense. My mom thinks it's why I had my surgery but I doubt that. But that kid did die. But not me, suckas!
So in summation, I want to say good luck to the brave astronauts on their pointless and expensive mission.

Is this place for real?

I know it actually exists, but stories like this, make me wonder if somebody isn't making this stuff up. I guess you wouldn't call these people 'rednecks', I think they're technically 'hillbillies'. Anyway, they're losing their teeth. By the bucketful.

The central Appalachian states lead the nation in toothlessness. More than 32 percent of Tennessee residents surveyed last year had lost six or more teeth because of decay or gum disease, according to the Centers for Disease Control. That number was 38 percent in Kentucky and 43 percent in West Virginia, which holds the distinction of the most toothless state. Kentucky ranked No. 1 in toothlessness in 2003.

43 percent? Lost six or more teeth?? And these people think it's normal! Well no wonder, just look at their flawed logic!

"People feel like they can do without teeth, or that they can always buy false ones," said David Aker, mountain missions director for the Kentucky Baptist Convention.

How much are false teeth? I'm guessing they've gotta be pretty expensive, right? Yet in this same article, some lady is complaining that a dental procedure for her kids costs $25 and she doesn't have that kind of money.

Who knew that these gap-toothed hicks, known for their drunken, incestuous antics, were actually in the midst of an epidemic? And not just an epidemic of hilarity, according to this guy:

"The problem is almost epidemic in the state," said Dr. Gerald Ferretti, a dental professor at the University of Kentucky.

Hey, he would know, right? But most surprising to me is that some of these hillbillies can actually be Italian. And that's the real message here, I think.

wake up, jerk

When I was a kid, I would get in bed with my feet pajamas on, under the covers and I would settle down for a long night's sleep. This was around 8 or 9 problem. O'clock. Meaning I was probably like five or six. Years old. So anyway, most of the time I would dream about being a race car driver or seeing boobs or whatever a five year old dreams about and fall asleep right away. Other times, I would feel uncomfortable. I would imagine that somewhere, there were people who weren't in bed, they were up dong stuff. Then I would transpose the image of me in my pajamas against these wide-awake people and feel very uncomfortable. It's hard to explain. I felt foolish, yes, but it was more than that. I guess it would be like when people have those dreams where they're naked in public. I know, it doesn't make much sense. I don't know if I was worried that my classmates were going to burst into my room or that it was my general fear that something fun was going on without me or what. But I didn't like it. I would almost always burst out of bed, take off my pajamas, get dressed and sit there in the dark.
The POINT is, sometimes I still get this feeling. It mostly happens when I take a nap in the middle of the day. Now, keep in mind, I love to sleep. Right now, given my circumstances, it's my favorite activity. So I take a lot of naps. It's a good way to take a big chunk out of the 14 or so hours I have to be awake during the day. Plus, I had heart surgery. I need my rest. If I'm tired, I should take a nap. No guilt, right? Except while I'm in bed taking a nap, half a mile away people are swimming in the ocean, having a good time. That should be me. I should be drinking beers and ogling teenage girls who walk by (18 and over only). But I'm not. I'm in bed. Like a weiner. I guess it makes more sense now than it did then and it maybe explains why I stay up so late now, but I don't know. It just pisses me off because like I said, I love sleeping. And I don't want anything to screw that up for me. And it's very hard to find feet pajamas in my size.

My trip to disneyworld

Here are my plans for my upcoming trip to Disneyworld.

As you may know, I am not well enough to attempt such a trip right now, at least not unassisted. I have devised this ingenious plan to construct a plastic igloo in the shape of mouse ears. I will be inside the igloo on a stretcher. This way, I can remain safe and medically sound with all the diagnostic equipment I need. There will be a periscope-like device connected to an LCD monitor so that I can see what's going on. Of course, we won't be able to go on any rides, maybe the people mover, but it's more about the change of scenery than actually going on any specific rides, which have probably been precluded due to my condition anyway. As you can see from the blueprint, my trusty friend pickles will push me around as the igloo currently is unable to move under its own power. Who knows, perhaps future enhancements will be made. Now, the igloo will probably cost many thousands of dollars, eating up all my money and taking away my ability to pay for a hotel room. Not to worry though, as I will merely push the igloo behind some bushes at night and sleep in there.
All in all, I am pretty excited about my trip to Disneyworld!

Let's invade the '90's

It's time we pull out of Iraq and focus our resources on something more worthwhile. The scientists who have continually failed to deliver on promises of flying cars, personal robots and color television should band together to invent a working time machine. Why is this suddenly so important? Cuz the 90's suck. We should all go back and invade the 90's. I am ready to kick my own ass. I think I can because I have a.) the element of surprise and 2.) the foreknowledge that the 90's me has an aneurysm in his aortic arch. So I will surprise me and then punch me in the neck. Hopefully, rendering me dead. Trust me, that guy has it coming. I remember what a weiner I was, with my long hair, fumbling with a guitar cuz I wanted to have a 'band'. Wake up dickhead, comedy is where it's at. Stop spending hours in pearl jam chat rooms on the internet. Go out and take an improv class. You're stupid! I remember one time in the pearl jam chat room, I called someone fat or something so they said they were going to "sue" me for slander. I got all upset cuz I figured, "hey, it could happen". Idiot! If I had taken an improv class back then, I'd be like ten years ahead of where I am now. Which, admittedly, is nowhere, but still! It's too bad I wasn't so rash and killed my prior self, I probably should have just had a talk with him about his priorities and his own self-image because I think he always wanted to do this, he just thought he couldn't. What a dick.

Scotty's dead

Well I wasn't about to say "beam me up" or something like that. Check it out, James Doohan, ne, Scotty from Star Trek, just died. First of all, he was 85. That's old. But it makes sense. Even in those early shows, he had grey hair. Even odder, he wasn't even Scottish. This is worse than when I found out that crying indian from the ads was actually italian. I'm glad I'm not one of those Star Trek fans ("Star Treks, they like to be called), because I would be devastated. What a fucking liar!

Who shot J.R.?

Beats the shit out of me. But I remember when it happened. It was a TV event and though aimed at nighttime adult viewers of the soap opera "Dallas" (or so I believe), my brother and I were convinced it applied to us as well. We begged our mom to stay up late so we could watch. "Ten o'clock?" she said, "You'll be in bed for five hours by then." So as we pulled down our blockout shades against the still-beaming sun, we fumed in our beds. I was sure my parents were down there having a party with balloons a clown and all their adult friends watching some guy named J.R. get shot. The same thing happened with MASH. I had never watched that show either, except in bits and pieces, thinking, "why is that man wearing a pink robe?" Who was that? Hawkeye? Klinger? Beats me. But when the last episode was on, my brother and I tried to sneak down and watch it, only to get busted. "But mom, it's the last one, we'll never be able to see it again!" I remember being close to tears at this point. Ahh, the power of the network blockbuster. I guess the only thing I really have to compare is the end of Cheers. Although probably a lot of people reading have no idea what Cheers is. Or know it only like I knew Dallas or MASH. An 18 year old was born in 1987. How screwed up is that? Not that I hang out with any 18 year olds, but still, I could. Legally. An 18 year old was born and Cheers had been on the air for like 5 years. And would be cancelled when they were five years old. Even Seinfeld. That went off the air in 1997 and a lot of 20-somethings were in high school. Or junior high. That was, afterall, 8 YEARS AGO. Even the Simpsons. What do these kids know of the Simpsons? I bet they watch the opening and go "Why is Bart on a skateboard?" The Simpsons the kids know today is crap. It's pants. It's written by people like them, who had older brothers and sisters who talked about how great the Simpsons were and now they're just rehashing the same plotlines and try to recapture the magic that was gone long ago. The truth is, the Simpsons had four, maybe five, really good seasons. Starting in Seasons 5 and going to *maybe* Season 9. This is what you think of when you think of the really funny Simpsons episodes. Trust me. Look it up. The first ones, everyone knows, are terrible. It's all about Bart being an "underachiever and proud of it". The animation looks weird and Chief Wiggum's hair is too black. There's even an episode where Ralph has a different voice. A 'smart' voice. Now the show is all about Homer. And equally as tedious. Now you could say this whole thing is made null and void by the concept of "syndicated re-runs", but who's to say kids are watching these today anyway? And if they are, they probably think the new Homer ones are funny. I remember babysitting some kids a while back and they thought "Full House" was hilarious. Somebody's watching this show, keeping it alive. OK fine, so I watch it. But trust me, it's strictly a nostalgia thing. I don't actually like it.

I finished!

Last night, I finished "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince". Now here are all the spoilers. just kidding. My friend Pickles was about half-way through when he said, "It's good, but I kinda see where she's going with this one and I didn't with the others. But I'm hoping she'll trick me." I agreed with him, but having finished, she didn't really trick me. I'm not quick either. Oh sure, I can put people down and write stupid stories that don't make any sense, but when it comes to figuring out movies or books, I'm the one going "wait, who's that guy?" But this time, I had the question of the title by page 300 or so. And for the sake of those who haven't read it yet, what I will phrase as the 'big mystery', was confirmed for me very early on. I would really love to discuss why I think she has done this but I don't want to give too much away. Let me just say that I think this book is very transitional. It's the act 2 of the 3 act movie structure. Nothing's going right and now we have to see if it will all be resolved. Which is very annoying when you know the next book is two years away. I remember reading the green mile when it came out in serialized version and you only had to wait a few weeks for those. That was hard enough. I really want to know what happens next. Which in spite of this book's few failings, is really what redeems it. Alot of these books in the series leave you wanting more but this one especially gives you a big "What the fuck?" moment. Trust me. So ovearll I would give it a definite recommendation but if you haven't read the whole series, definitely get caught up before tackling this one.
In other news, yesterday I went out in a boat. I took some dramaine and that really seemed to do the trick both in the car and at sea. We just went out into the salt pond with some friends, pretty laid back. It got really cloudy, which is fine with me, as I hate the sun. But the weird thing is, I woke up today and my voice was definitely a little stronger. Maybe it was all the sea air. I'm not sure. But it was really kind of odd. Almost "miraculous". It's not like I sound like my old self, but it was definitely noticable to me and my family. Overnight.
Well anyway, that's what I'm up to, haven't written a real entry in a while so I figured I'd give you all a treat.
Take care,
eric

isn't this creepy?

man, I love this picture. frightening.

precious memories

people have asked me for pictures of my trip to disneyworld.



woops!



just kidding, danielle!

Let me smell your blog

I've been reading a lot of blogs lately. It makes me jealous that my blog sucks. Everyone is so interesting and they write about their feelings and how stuff happens in their lives. Boy, those were the days! My blog would go like this "so, I got up at noon, took a shower, ate some oatmeal. Then I went to bed." So 'talking about how stuff happens' is out. My feelings? Nobody wants to go there. So I've decided I'll just make stuff up.
Me and Chad Robuckle were watching Team America. Man, I forgot how funny that movie is. Chad was all "dude, we should do some heroin" and I was all "no way dude!" But you know how Chad gets! Hehehe he hehe.
Ok, so that doesn't work either. But I did watch Team America. I've been listening to the soundtrack for months but this is the first time I've seen it since I saw it in the theaters. I've noticed that a lot of movies get better the more times you watch them. hence, I've seen a bunch of movies like 100 times each. Does that make me crazy? Boring? Shut up, Chad Robuckle thinks you suck!