How to be gay

The key isn’t being a snappy dresser or having a lisp or even doing it with other dudes.

No, the key to being gay is “Rent”.

That’s right, the Broadway musical, soon to be a major motion picture.

Now, you might say, “But Eric, you haven’t even seen Rent, how do you know?”

And you’d be right. I haven’t seen it. But I don’t have to. That song is enough. You know the one, “Six hundred, 98 thousand, 48 minutes” or whatever? Just the title makes me shake with rage.

Not buying it? How about this: remember that British nanny who shook that baby to death ten years ago? She loved Rent. She had seen it like 20 times. And apparently a lot of “those types” had done the same thing.

In all fairness, I hate all musicals not written by Trey Parker. I hate them so much that even though I used to like The Producers, now that they’ve made it into a musical and RE-MADE the movie by basing it on that musical, instead of the original movie, I hate the original movie.  

Look, don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate gay people. I just hate gay people (and straight people) who like Rent.

Am I saying the British nanny is gay? Maybe I am. If she wasn’t gay, why would she kill a baby? She must have been jealous.

Just kidding, I love everybody!

Except people who like Rent. I hate them.