The time I won a ventriloquism contest

When I was a kid I was really into ventriloquism. I still have my dummy, Rob Wagman. I would put on little shows for friends and family, anyone who would watch.
I got so good at it, people told me I should enter a ventriloquism contest.

When my seventh birthday rolled around, that's what I told my mom I wanted: to enter a ventriloquism contest. So a few weeks later we flew out to Juneau, Alaska for the Alaska Junior Ventriloquism Contest. We stayed at the Juneau Marriott and I prepared every night of that week, after our full day of pre-contest activities. I still correspond via email with some of the nice people i met at the "Meet My Dummy" social mixer.

Anyway, on contest day, I was super nervous. I remember sitting in my makeup chair, practicing drinking water while Rob Wagman would speak. Usually you don't actually drink the water (that's a little trade secret, don't tell anyone!) but I did cuz my mouth was so dry. Anyway, I took the stage and became somewhat of a media darling as I charmed the judges and the nationally televised audience.

I got to the finals and I was up against some pretty big names, believe me. I didn't expect to win, it was an honor just to be there. But that year, me and Rob Wagman got lucky cuz we took home the gold medal after three of the finalists' dummies failed their drug tests (if you give crack to a dummy, it comes alive for a few minutes) and the fifth contestant turned out to actually be a midget in a plastic mask.

So, having conquered the world of ventriloquism, Rob Wagman and I decided to give up the spotlight and lucrative endorsement deals for the simple life. Now we still perform together, but we do it for the love of performing, which is the best gold medal in the world.