Why I love clowns

I'm back! In case you didn't know, I was competing in the Ultimate Blogger 2 competition last week so I was too busy to write any new blogs. Well guess what? I got eliminated! Yay! Now I have more time to write for Hollywood Phony!

Here is my third, never-seen entry. I wrote it before I even knew what the competition was. I was planning on just sending it in anyway, no matter what I was supposed to do. Maybe it was this attitude that got me kicked off. I don't think so. I think it was the other contestants' hatred of people who had heart surgery.

That's my theory.

Anyway, here is my latest story, I hope you like it.


Koko - by Eric Filipkowski

I lay in bed with Meredith after another unsuccessful attempt at love-making.

“Baby, just tell me, what can I do? Is there anything you want, anything you need? Anything?” she pleaded with me.

“No, I’ve told you, it’s not you. It’s just this… I don’t know. I just… I want you, I do. You’re so beautiful. It’s just…” I searched for the words. I searched my soul and I felt I could trust her, but it was just… too hard.

“Please, baby,” she saw through my façade. At this point, I realized my attempt to protect her was now doing the opposite. I had no choice.

“OK, I want you to know that I’ve never told this to anyone before,” I took a deep breath, “I need you to do something for me.”

“Just say it, baby.” She put her arm around me and kissed me on the forehead.

“I need you to dress up for me.” I felt my pants growing tight, it was exhilarating.

“Oh! Is that all this is about?” she laughed, I could feel the sense of relief running through her body.

“Well, it’s like…” I hesitated, because I felt she was getting the wrong idea.

“What? Don’t be shy,” she sat up in bed, “You want me to dress up like in a nurse’s uniform or something? I could totally do that.”

“No, no, Meredith, listen. I need you to… dress up… in a clown’s suit.” I almost came from the rush of humiliation.

Silence. In that instant, I knew I had made a mistake.

“You asshole!” she hit me with a pillow and started laughing. “I thought you were serious! Oh my god, that is so funny! You totally had me going!”

I stared at the ground. “Mere, I…”

Her expression changed. She put her hand over her mouth. “Oh my god, you really are serious.”

I nodded. I couldn’t look at her.

“Baby, I’m so sorry. I just… I’m sorry, I’m really sorry, you must think I’m such a jerk."

“No, it’s OK,” I said, “I figured you would laugh or freak out and leave. I’m glad you didn’t do that last one. Although, maybe you’re planning on doing it right now.”

“No, of course not, come here,” she pulled me close, “Baby, I love you. That’s all there is to it. And if you…” she took a big breath, “If you need me to dress up in a clown suit, that’s fine. I can do that.”

“Really?” I couldn’t believe this was actually happening, that she was saying these words I was hearing right now.

“Yes, really. But before I do, I need to know why.” A fair enough request.

I took a deep breath, held her hand and began my story. “Ever since I was a young boy, I’ve loved the circus; especially the clowns. I really think there is nothing more noble than someone who spreads laughter and joy to thousands of people like that. My parents took me to see The Big Top Circus when I was six and that’s where I met Koko. I couldn’t believe my luck when he chose me as a lover. I mean, he was a celebrity, he literally could have had his pick of the children in that tent and he singled me out as special. I felt like the luckiest boy in the world—“

“Wait,” she interrupted my story, “What?”

“Huh? What?” I asked, barely able to contain my impatience with her obtuseness.

“Are you serious? This clown molested you?”

I threw her hands off me and pushed her away, she fell back onto the pillows. “No! Ewww, that’s disgusting. Gross! I never said he molested me.”

She was clearly confused. “Oh, I thought I heard you say—“

“First of all, he wasn’t ‘some clown.’ He was Koko. And what we had was beautiful.”

“Oh my god, please tell me you’re kidding.” She clutched her hand to her mouth.

“You’re being a real bitch right now,” I told her, “I’m beginning to think this was a big mistake, trusting you like this.”

She threw up all over my bed.

“Thanks,” I continued, “Just so you know, you’re paying for those sheets.”

“Why,” she said, as she sobbed, “I don’t understand. Don’t you see this man victimized you?”

“Say one more thing about Koko,” I threatened, “Say it, Meredith and see what happens to you.”

“Jody, you’re scaring me,” she sat there in her own pile of sick, choking back her tears and she was truly hideous. “Please, explain this to me, I want to understand, but you have to realize, this is so much to digest. I mean, what do you even want with me? Find a real clown. Wouldn’t that be better?”

“Oh my sweet, naïve, Meredith. I never said you were for me. And I’ve found a real clown. Well, we found each other.”

From the closet came a loud honking noise, which caused Meredith to jump and splash vomit all over my room. The folding closet door swung open and out strode the man who had been my lover for the last 23 years, naked except for his red wig and nose and of course, his big, red clown shoes.

Koko had barely gotten out the words “Hiya, Meredith!” before they were drowned out by her screams as she ran from my room, completely naked and covered in filth.

Koko and I stood there, looking at each other. I feared his response, now that I had failed him yet again, but I needed not worry: he shrugged his shoulders and we both enjoyed a hearty laugh.

Later, as we made love in his tiny clown car, as we had done so many times before, I caught myself smiling, as I thought about this amazing man with the uncanny ability to bring laughter to my heart, no matter how down I was feeling.