The Andrew McCarthy Award

The 17th Annual Andrew McCarthy Award for Excellence in the Field of "Nobody Gives a Shit" goes to this guy, Leyan Lo, who set a new world's record for solving a Rubik's Cube in the fastest amount of time, just 11.13 seconds.

That's right, just 11.13 seconds! That's pretty fast. The last time I picked one of those up, I would play with that sucker for hours and only get one or two sides.

Of course, I was like 7 at the time.

Hey, I hate the 80's as much as anyone does, especially this recent "80's resurgence" that's been going on, but still, this is pretty fucking stupid. Read the article, it's ridiculous. Here are some quotes that I liked because they don't make any sense.

Leyan Lo is part of Caltech's Rubik's Cube Club, a student group that hosted the competition at the Exploratorium museum in San Francisco.

Cal Tech? Isn't that like a real school? If this was my kid, I'd have him invent a time machine so I could go back in time and give my wife an abortion.

His time of 11.13 seconds broke the previous record of 11.75 seconds, set by Frenchman Jean Pons at the Dutch Open competition last year.

Not to get all "elitist" and "macho", but any "sport" dominated by the French that doesn't involve the speed in which you can hand over the keys to the city to the Germans isn't a real sport.

Lo went up against the teenager widely considered the fastest Rubik's Cube solver on the planet -- Shotaro "Macky" Makisumi, a 15-year-old from Pasadena.

Ditto if a 15 year old can be considered the best. A 15 year old named "Macky".

"I don't know. Faster first two layers," he surmised, referring to solving the first two layers of the cube's colored tiles before moving on to the last.

What?

For his victory, Makisumi won a Rubik's Snake puzzle, one of several variations of the basic cube which has sold more than 100 million worldwide, according to the manufacturer.

All he won was another puzzle? Basically a toy? And what they forgot to include in that statistic is the fact that 99,574,283 of those Rubik's Cubes are now clogging up landfills.

In other news, my eye doctor hates me.