The human head weighs eight pounds

When Jerry Maguire came out, I used to go up to people and say that. Specifically women. When I would be drunk. Some would get it and laugh, usually in a patronizing way, but some were unfamiliar with the movie and would freak out. Like I'm sitting at home weighing heads or something? Why would I weigh a head when I could scoop out the yummy insides and have a delicious treat instead? That's just stupid.
Speaking of that movie, you know the part where he's all like "you make me want to be a better person?" Yeah, I hate that part too. I think it would be better if he said, "You make me want to to punch you in the face and put you in the trunk of my car and then crash my car into a tractor trailer and set it on fire and then put out the fire with my urine and then take the ashes and mix them into some flour and make biscuits and eat the biscuits and then poop out the biscuits and then flush the poop down the toilet and then be done with the whole thing."
Ladies, I am currently taking applications to date me. Interested?